It seems to be an inadvertent fact that all emotions are interconnected by their strength and fervor instead of their mood. Hopping from deep, abiding sorrow and absolute elation is easier than a casual observer might think. But someone in the very throws of the emotions can see that the leap is really a simple side-step and nothing more.
The very weekend that Sleep released, there were plans in place for a small party and for me to commandeer the corner of a vendor friend’s table at a local convention. The very weekend that Sleep released, I found myself attending services in a small church two hours south of my home and two hours south of the convention. A loss of life, however apparent it might have been on the horizon, is still cause of turmoil and disquiet. It moves in waves of distractions and forgetfulness, of the sudden remembrance of all the potential moments now utterly unattainable, of disbelief and distance. There isn’t quite a parallel between the high emotions of that weekend. I found myself taking the first plunge in working as an independent author. Excitement and satisfaction seeped into the cracks of my thoughts at work, in the car, before sleep. And I found myself struggling to make peace with the loss of a family member who loved me as a person, as an individual, and not simply as an extension of some social structure. The sudden wound in my heart was deeper than the one for which I had tried to prepare. It bled almost constantly, weeping, but would still gush anew when the facts resurfaced in my mind.
But the high emotions would fade soon enough. Expressions of grief and loss across the board led to a settling, a quieting, a scabbing of the wound. A burst of initial feedback from Sleep’s release dropped back into normal interactions with a week or so. My world settled back down into its regular, steady roll. There was no need or chance to leap across emotions, to delve into deeper side of sadness and excitement. Things linger, as all things are want to do when it comes to matters of the heart, but now I am on solid ground. My emotions move fluidly forward. I have no side-steps to take.
