I am chronically ill. More specifically, I am chronically physically ill. I live in the limbo of the undiagnosed. There have been plenty of tests to show that something is indeed quantifiably wrong, yet no one can put me in the box required for treatment and development. It has been going on eight years now since I started living with the “functional disability”, the “central nervous system disorder”.
I am in therapy. The kind I attend is unusual though. It has been specifically developed for people living with chronic pain. In most cases, there is no need for emotional investigation, no need to sort out details from the past to explain behaviors now. It is all very tied to the present. I work on meditation. I work on how to maintain a good support system and how to ask for help when I need it. I work on what to eat and how much to eat to avoid emotional eating and to make sure I’m still getting what I need when I have no appetite. It is a very different kind of therapy. But most rather assume the other kind, the stereotypical kind, when I do mention I’m in therapy. And they accept it with hardly a blink. I have chronic pain. That must be hard for me. It is only natural that I would need therapy to deal with such a harsh reality. Unless I clarify, most miss the point entirely. And even then, many like to dismiss the answer and continue with their own assumptions.
The problem that strikes me more and more recently, however, is this odd acceptance. I am, thankfully, neurotypical. The anxiety and depressive sessions I have gone through and might still are caused by medication and external factors. I am lucky enough not to need the stereotypical therapy. But many of those closest to me do. Their brains have chemical imbalances. They have to struggle and fight and throw energy into the void of emotions. I can truthfully say that I cannot fully fathom such a life. They are the ones who need therapy, who need help and regulation, who need someone to which to turn. And yet … it is so accepted when I say I am in therapy. Why is it not when they do?
Most know the answer.
